Quiet Defiance.

I’ve been pondering on how to articulate this thought for a while, but in its simplicity it’s building your world on the premise of deep understanding and acceptance of yourself. It is the common thread that connects all the women I’ve ever adored. It is a sense of boldness and self assurance that does not scream to be noticed or validated.

The stories that embody this thought often called for resilience, some struggle that demanded uproar where the character had no choice but to see themselves, their lack, and their strengths in hopes to make something work. I come from a lineage of women who have survived everything from rejection, pregnancy and delivery in the midst of civil war, to migrating from one country to another. As heavy as these moments were, they’re credited to their Interoception and the building of the relationship they have with themselves. The moments were burdensome. Burdensome to the extent that to worry about how someone perceived you seemed more of a luxury pastime hobby than a real concern. And no disrespect, as I know that has the power to keep many of us in shells. I personally can attest to the hours I’ve lost thinking about such. But that’s the need for quiet defiance….I think. I don’t know if hardship is necessarily needed to live in this thought, but a relationship with yourself, self awareness and acceptance is. With the three as a foundation you may take many forms of expression but they’re all rooted in this authentic knowledge and commitment to yourself. In no means is this isolation but it is anchoring, it is freeing. The freedom to experiment, to look a little “unkept” and not lose all hope in yourself, the freedom to make mistakes and know you’re still deserving, the freedom to be dumb and grow wise and lastly the freedom to give yourself time to do so.

Why Quiet Defiance? Why this phrase? I chose these words because it’s simply not a performance. It’s not propped for someone’s consumption which today feels defiant, rebellious almost. The silence is the absence of negotiation on who and how I am, it’s absent of any willingness to abandon the relationship with yourself to be recognized or validated. It’s to be self assured enough to be overlooked. Don’t get me wrong, validation feels good. It holds the closest resemblance to love and in its purest form it’s needed, but its counterfeit keeps you running in a cycle that performs panting for the next applause. Validation becomes the natural response to your hard work but is not the goal. Making it the goal is like pacing up and down in fear of the sun not rising tomorrow when in reality it’s the natural flow of life when you plant and nurture seeds they blossom and there’s no exception to you doing the work and reaping the reward.

In a world where we are convinced that we are incomplete and that the answers are everywhere but within, in a world where we are tugged in every direction that promises this missing part of ourselves, to find peace and to be loyal to your being is naturally defiant. We each bear this unique part to this beautiful mosaic that assimilating does a great disservice to. Quiet defiance does not fuel any notion of individualism or pride-like sentiments of being all-knowing. Bell hooks said it best “Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” 

Oftentimes the most we can control is our reaction. Within this realm of thought you’re not blindly paving your path and most importantly not accepting just anything. You’re making conscious decisions based on knowledge of yourself, and that includes your values. This is not an invitation to throw care to the wind but rather to be creative in ways you live in community, show up to your responsibilities without losing yourself. More than anything I hope this inspires you to sit with yourself, explore the deepest parts of your being, the pretty and the ugly, and know that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. There’s no path to your completion that exists outside of you.

I encourage you to challenge this idea, comb it through, hold it up to your experiences and question it! Quiet Defiance is an exhale. It is rest. It’s the end of a long performance, the return home. My heart’s greatest wish in this season is to be free, and I wish the same for you.

Each seam, each silhouette is Quiet Defiance personified.

Love always,

E.